What Do you Bring to the Table?

Why this question limits your chances in the dating world

This question has been circulating on social media and the verdict is unanimous; you need to drop any man who asks you this question.

As a man, this question says you’re broke, unstable and looking for a provider. You approached that woman because something about them attracted them to you. Their personality, physique or the feeling of safety you felt after spending time with them.

You might have seen their career and interests on their dating profile

Or maybe asked what they did for a living. The bottom line is you had an inkling of their career field before you met them or at least after the first date.

 

Asking What They Bring to The Table is Pre-emptive

It’s lazy.

You want to get all their information in one seating, like an HR professional, asking an interviewee why they should hire them.

Instead of planning dates and activities that build up to these conversations, you choose the easy way out. A robotic way of filtering out emotions as if you plan to marry for convenience.

Benjamin Zulu, a lawyer turned psychologist advises women to give men the least and generic information in the early stages of dating, else they might attract actors who play the part but are not it.

 

I want You to Take Care of Me

This is what a woman hears when a man asks what she brings to the table.

Then why did you go out to pursue her, if you didn’t know what she brought to the table? Her dating profile says she travels, has a career and other interests. At the very least, you know she’s stable and not looking for a meal ticket in a relationship.

She is not pursuing personal growth through a relationship and has a life going on for herself. This alone tells you what she brings to the table and provides a basis for future conversations. When you ask a woman what she brings to the table, you’re saying you don’t have enough to offer or stability. You’re hoping she does so you can leech off of her.

 

Don’t Answer this Question

Who pursues something if they don’t see any value in it?

No one.

Men who ask these questions are not self-aware, nor are they looking for a long term partner. They don’t know what they’re looking for in a partner so they’ll leave it to you to define it for them. They are looking for values and stability that they’ve yet to look for in and for themselves.

When a man asks you this question, it’s a trap. He wants to hear of your 6 figure income from salaries and side hustles and any other material resources you have set up for yourself. He’s going to lessen and invalidate any other values you may hold such as kindness, loyalty and the ability to communicate.

He most likely wants to know, and in a way that lacks integrity – of your financial situation and that you can cook, clean and visit them during the weekends. He will expect these offerings on the table from the word go.

What do I bring to the table you ask?

Clavicles, forehead and vibes. Since we’re all blind.


It’s time to reconsider your relationship and dating options if you find yourself the recipient of such questions.

 

This post first appeared on Medium.

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